I was in a lovely marriage for a long time, until I wasn’t. Life happens. I’ve now found myself as a single parent, which is a daunting job. But guess what? It’s awesome! It’s important to always balance the positive and negatives in our minds as single parents. That being said, let’s take a look at the lighter side – the perks of being a single parent.
10) Excellent hygiene – Being a solo parent gives you the privilege of being the permanent and primary (well only) target for all projectile vomit streams, booger cannons, and crusty orange Cheetos fingers. This provides the opportunity for multiple hand washes, outfit changes, and bathing sessions a day.
9) Having the entire bed to yourself –
“Ahhh, I have this entire comfy bed all to myself.”
*peeks around corner*
“What?… No, you can’t sleep in here. You have your own bed.”
*six hours later*
8) Well, let’s revise that – You never have to sleep alone – (see above)
7) Almost super human immune system – Due to the fact I am generally busy still preparing drinks shortly after putting everyone’s plates on the table, and not sitting down eating with the them yet, most of the food I stick in my mouth has a 43% chance of either being touched by hands that just touched a frog, being the fresh recipient of a sneeze, or being knocked on the floor by a few children who decided to play a nice relaxing game of “Cheetah vs. Honey Badger – A Fight to the Death” around the dinner table. I just tell myself my kids want to keep me healthy and are purposely boosting my immune system.
6) A permanent “sit at the kid table” card – You would think this wouldn’t be that great, or is even kind of a bad thing; HOWEVER, want to know who avoids political arguments/relationship drama/family fights each holiday? This guy right here! I’m very happy chilling with the younger crowd, cracking fart jokes and seeing who can shove the most mashed potatoes in their mouth at one time.
5) You command enough authority to merge the “Mom Glare” and “Dad Voice” into one purely spine-chilling heed to obey.
4) There’s not another parent around to tell you “No” – “Ok guys, who wants to pick out a crazy outfit for school portrait day?”
*Looks around for another adult to object*
“Great! We can do whatever we want!”
“Sure, you can wear your heart-themed oversized moonboots for your school pictures.”
3) Absolute control of the car radio – Well, at least for a few songs, then we will listen to “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” for the remainder of the trip (regardless of the fact it’s September).
2) You get to experience 100% of the hilarious parenting moments – (because you are always the one to discover whatever is going on). Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to have someone to laugh with, but there’s also something so special and hysterical about getting to see every single one of them.
“Daddy. I’m swimming!”
Crazy Cat Lady, and the grandpa who records every family event with his camcorder from 1997.
1) Permanent Wingman – Being a single parent is tough. I admit that. However, I will say being solo with young kids is a pretty significant opposite-sex attention grabber. You really don’t have to put yourself there out there. Like at all. For example:
*While we are grocery shopping, Seth spots cute woman on the bread isle*
Me – “Hello.”
Woman – “Hi.”
Daughter #1 – “Are you married?”
Daughter #2 – “Don’t ask her! You are supposed to look to see if she has a ring on her hand, right dad?”
*winks at me*
*I awkwardly smile and chuckle*
Son – “My dad is really tall.”
Daughter #3 – “And hairy.”
*I’m now pretending to browse the bread selection to avoid any eye contact.*
Daughter #1 – “So do you want to marry him or not? We still have to finish grocery shopping.”
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Seth Megow of Valdosta, Georgia. For hilarious stories featuring his kids and posts on divorce/single parenting, check out his family blog, “Who Put My iPad in the Dishwasher?” Submit your own story here, and subscribe to our best stories in our free newsletter here.
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