‘If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day…’

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Bite my tongue for even saying it or thinking it, right?

Let me just begin with the fact that I know how lucky and blessed I am to be a mom to not just one amazing human being, but to three. Three gorgeous, happy and healthy kiddos. Not for one millisecond would I give up the life I have with my family. Not for one millisecond would I trade my life for a different one. Not for one millisecond would I want any type of life that did not have the four of them in it.

BUT, for one millisecond, just for kicks, I will think about what it would be like if I wasn’t a mother, just for a day.

Do you know what I would do?

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would sleep. Like really sleep, you know? Like that thing people do when both of their eyes are closed and they go off to la-la land for an indeterminable amount of time. Yep, I would get some actual deep sleep.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would actually drink my coffee hot and in one sitting – without any spills, interruptions, necessary diaper changes or the calling of my name for any gosh darn reason under the sun.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would probably (this is a total non-definite) leave the house looking more put-together, better groomed and more attractive. How is this any different from now, you ask? Well, I would actually shower, shave my legs, blow-dry and style my hair and try harder to not wear the same four outfits on repeat.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would be sure to find “me time.” I would aimlessly walk the mall without a child in my arms and I would spend more money on clothes I don’t really need.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would probably enjoy more alcoholic beverages and I wouldn’t limit my wine consumption to only the weekends and post-bedtime.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would have more energy ,which of course is a byproduct of having less worry, less fear, less stress and more sleep.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would have more time, love and attention to give to my husband; and my goodness, does he deserve it.

Yet…

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I know I would spend every millisecond of that day wishing I was one. How do I know this? Because it’s true — being a mother is all I have ever wanted to be my whole life.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I know the well-rested me would be thinking about how awfully wonderful it would feel to be exhausted by kids of my own.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, while having my hot coffee I would ponder thoughts of what being a mother would be like, what my children would look like and how I would parent them.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I wouldn’t look like me. Nope, not the real me, as I was meant to look — with a little baby weight left over, some stretch marks, droopy boobies, and tired eyes.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would be really damn lonely without my mini-best friends by my side.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for one day, I would lose myself in trying to fit in with the “cool people” of the world.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would have less worry, less fear, and less stress – and how boring would that be to not have something so meaningful in your life you can’t escape it.

If I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I would have more time, love and attention to give to my husband — and I would probably end up smothering him, which would likely push him away.

Truth be told, I don’t want to think about it. Nope, not for one millisecond more. Because in all honesty, if I wasn’t a mother, just for a day, I wouldn’t recognize myself in the mirror, and how incredibly sad it would be to have to live my life as a person I don’t know.

I want to be a mother, just for a day, and for each and every day that follows.

Nicole Merritt of Jthreenme

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Nicole Merritt of Jthreenme. You can follow her on Facebook, her website or podcast. This article originally appeared on EverydayFamily, Inc.

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