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‘Your areolas, those brown things on your boobs (not a type of pasta as I initially thought) grow to the size of a frisbee, and become very dark.’ Mom’s HILARIOUS discoveries while breastfeeding

“People told me it’s so your baby can find your nipples. Well let me tell you, with mine, every baby on the planet could find them. They were a satellite dish on their own. Also, People will ask, ‘Are you STILL breastfeeding?’ Yes, I’m ‘STILL breastfeeding Cheryl, my baby is 2 hours old… shut up.'”

‘Elf on the Shelf is a HARD NO for me — Here’s why.’

“Feeling exhausted after a long day of, I dont know, being a parent? Is your only desire to drain a glass of chardonnay and sleep after working 8 hours and doing 4 loads of laundry? TOO BAD, MOM! WINKSY NEEDS A NEW, CLEVER HIDING SPOT!”

‘The first step is admitting you have a Christmas movie problem.’

“Where else besides Dancing with the Stars can you find all of your favorite sitcom actors from the 90s? Danica McKellar? Yes, please! Lacey Chabert? Ill take two! Is that Dean Cain? Grab your Santa suit and get in that phone booth, Superman. You can save my Christmas anytime!”

‘I call Leo in. He looks at it, cocks his little head to the side. And then, obviously, I yelled at it. The spider ran. Leo starts screaming. The louder he screams, the faster the spider pursued him.’

“Let me share with yall a massive mom fail I experienced. I noticed this toy for sale. Theyre called ‘Yellies’ and the louder you yell at it, the faster it goes. Being the mother of a naturally loud and boisterous kid, I thought it would be the perfect Christmas present…”

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