‘MOM!!! Get back in the car!’ I’m at the drop off in undies that have a LITERAL HOUSE for penis and balls!’: Mom hilariously shares ultimate ‘dysfunctional parent’ moment

“Y’all. Things got worse. ‘MOM! The basement is leaking!’ In that 3.5 seconds, my doorbell rings. I run down because my pea-sized BRAIN forgets to process ‘put on pants.’ It’s the plumber I completely forgot I called. Steve goes downstairs. I have 15 minutes. Guess who is wrong? Yup. Me again. Steve done come BACK into the house while Im laying down a quick colombian hot sloppy in the bathroom.”

Oh… My Gosh… thats a dong. CAN YALL BELIEVE THIS?! My daughter is on a giant red rocket!: Mom in hysterics after spotting innocent daughter on penis-looking playground structure at recess

I cant wait to see what my angelic 5-year-old is up to today. I open the album titled recess and OH MY GOSH – There. She. Was. IN ALL HER GLORY. I immediately called my husband. WHO DESIGNED THIS PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT?! I am cryyyyiinnngg. This is not a drill. I repeat… this is NOT a drill.

‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ Shizzing yourself at your job interview. That’s what.’: Woman hilariously shares ‘mortifying’ accident, hopes it can ‘make someone smile’

“I felt a bead of sweat roll down my face. My stomach started making beastly growls. I got to my feet to rush to the bathroom when I heard a knock. Hello, Mrs. O? Its so nice to meet you. Shiz. Shiz. Holy shiz. It was too late. I was trapped! Suddenly, I felt hot flashes and bubbles. My body was going to DO THE DAMN THING. Needless to say, I didnt get the job.”

‘The man yells, Look! These are yours. They fell out of that box. Im your mailman!’: Woman hilariously recalls run-in with Amazon Prime deliveryman who picked up her ‘new butt’ underwear

“I saw a man walk onto my porch, then he bent down like he was hiding. So, I was like, Hell no, you arent about to steal my Halloween decorations. I grab a baseball bat and the dog, open the door, jump out and literally yell Freeze! The man stands up, and he’s holding a pair of underwear. I’m like, ‘You dirty old man, you’re on my porch smelling underwear.’ I’m out here swinging this baseball bat and hes screaming, Wait! Wait!”

Its not how you look, its how you FEEL!: 8-year-old rocks red ball gown in school pictures, mom cant argue with her confidence

Click, click, swoosh, swoosh was all I heard as my 8-year-old daughter emerged from her bedroom. It was just after 7:30 a.m. – she was wearing silver high heels and a floor-length, red, jeweled, ball gown. My initial thought was, She must think its Saturday. It was indeed a school-day. Not only that, it was the all-important, everlasting PICTURE DAY! Oh, she knew.

‘I’m Claire. I’m 90. I’m single. And I don’t need no man! Mic drop.’: 90-year-old woman hilariously praises ‘hubby-free’ life, claims it’s ‘the secret to living long’

“I’m a prune, I know. But a living prune nonetheless! I dont have Alzheimers. I dont use a cane. Yes, I remember what I ate for dinner 3 nights ago. And I dont have a husband! No, he didnt die off on me. I didnt outlive him. He never existed! Im convinced these leafy greens arent the only reason Im been alive and truckin’ this long!”

Yup, you have it too. Sorry, babe. NOT ME TOO! I was so grossed out. I was itchy. Why us?!: Mom relives horror of 4 kids infesting home with lice, urges other parents to admit when family has it

We were standing at the bus stop when my daughter was scratching her head. Um, why is she scratching so much? I watched her for a minute, and could tell this was serious. Instant panic. LICE! My whole body went into hysteria. I had 4 thick, curly heads looming before me. Crap, what about my OWN head? Oh God. Tim please check… my head He parted my hair, examining it with his phones flashlight.

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