“That night, I went to bed and forgot to take my phone off silent. I didn’t hear it ring. I missed the call. Her sister woke me to 3 words that changed my life forever: ‘Brenna killed herself.’ For so many years, I’d pleaded with God to heal her depression. This not what I meant. Now, Baby David will never remember his mommy.”
‘Can you watch David tonight?’ I took her newborn. That night, I missed the call from the Sherriff’s Department.’: Mom loses daughter to suicide, leaving behind newborn son, now lives life ‘to make her proud’
‘I used to be a bully. I was awful, and I wanted so badly to be liked.’: Woman admits to feeling ‘pang of guilt, shame’ at being childhood bully, proud of her ‘efforts to better herself’
“I was terrified my classmates wouldn’t see my worth. So, I threw rocks, said ‘bad words,’ and acted tough. The worst, though, is that I befriended kids I knew would let me get away with treating them terribly. I took advantage of them and their effortless kindness. I never want to be the cause of pain for anyone. It’s one of the worst things in the world to feel worthless. I know because I’ve been a bully to myself as well.”
‘My arms are tingling!’ The wind knocked out of me. ‘Um, are you having a heart attack?’ My anxiety went from zero to a million.’: Woman with Generalized Anxiety, Panic Disorder declares anxiety ‘can’t take away my strength’
“I was at lunch with friends, light on sleep, and full on caffeine. I was already wildly anxious after having a bad breakup, an unexpected job change, and being hit by a car (I mean, seriously?), and then, out of nowhere, I couldn’t breathe. I was so nauseous I was profusely sweating. ‘There’s nothing wrong with you,’ I was told. I was damn close to calling myself a nice little ambulance. I didn’t leave my house for 2 months.”
‘No matter how badly I want to stop my son’s addiction, I can’t. I finally had to walk away. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.’ Mom’s heart ‘aches’ for homeless son battling addiction
“Within 48 hours, he was out of my house with his bicycle and backpack. I lie awake at night wondering if my son is in a safe place, if he is eating, if he’s warm. I cry for him every time I think or talk about him for more than a few minutes. My heart aches. Knowing he is now a homeless, unemployed drug addict is the most terrifying thing I have ever dealt with.”
‘I was 17, in love with a dad twice my age, and preparing my son’s autopsy.’: Teen mom loses son to SIDS, re-discovers herself after ‘flailing through life in destruction mode’ for decades
“The clock reads 5:36. I hear him yell. Blood is trickling from his mouth. Shock. Fear. Confusion. Put him in the car. Stop. No time. He’s not breathing. Cry. Scream. Beg him to breathe. The police are here to question us. Why aren’t they doing anything? It’s too late. We have to plan a funeral. Shortly after, my relationship ends. The burden of a dead baby is too much. I fall asleep crying on my son’s grave frequently. I cannot breathe. I am a disaster trying to maintain normalcy.”
‘No, not again! I can’t handle another child like this!’ I was angry at people who asked, ‘Are you gonna try again for a ‘normal’ child? I sat in the bathroom, crying.’
‘I was in survivor mode. I wouldn’t let myself feel. I couldn’t be weak; I had to keep going. People asked, ‘When will they grow out of it?’ I remember getting to a point where I thought, ‘This is going to kill me. I need to accept it.'”
‘I ran away and spent the entire day in agony, waiting to go home and shower. I became the girl known for never showing up and sleeping all the time.’
“I didn’t feel comfortable telling my friends about the weird things I did. I was constantly thinking about how to rid my brain of this mental contamination. I can’t just turn it off like a light switch.”
‘Anxiety attacks aren’t always hyperventilating, rocking back and forth.’
“It took multiple trips to the doctors, hospitals and many, MANY appointments to discover what I was suffering from was actually anxiety.”
The Anxiety I Now Try to Appreciate
“it struck me: addressing my anxiety from a place of compassion might make it more likely to dissipate. Maybe, if I thanked my anxiety for trying to protect me, but request that it unclench me, I would find peace.”
‘Anxiety. I let it define me… Until the day I began to define myself.’
“Yes, my chest still closes up. Yes, I still begin to shake. Yes, I still cry. Yes, sometimes it still hurts to breathe. But I sit there, calm myself down, and continue on about my day.”
