ICU

‘Is he gone?!,’ I yelled. It wasn’t my husband. He was so excited to be a dad. He was born to be one. I held his hand, telling him how much his unborn son and I loved him.’

“Scott just started a new job. We bought a house and were moving. He started not feeling well, but we attributed it to the stress of everything changing in our life. He went to work after getting me settled in the hospital. When he came back, he looked pale. I told him to get some rest, I would be just fine.”

‘The doctor said, ‘The parents need to understand there is no chance of their daughter having a meaningful life.’ I thought, ‘My daughter has meant more to me in the last 2 days than you will EVER mean to me.’

“What would our daughter have to do to be meaningful? Would she have to talk? Would she have to be able to solve math problems or perform in the school play? Graduating? Getting a job? Getting married? At what point would the doctor say, ‘Ok, you are meaningful now.”

‘Please help me, mom!’ My heart dropped. ‘I’m so thirsty. My tongue feels like sandpaper! I REALLY need a drink.’ An ER doctor yelled, ‘Get this young man back here RIGHT NOW!’

“We were in the middle of the Nevada desert with no signs of life for hours. The doctor informed me, ‘If you had waited 3 hours, your son would’ve died in the car.’ These symptoms are mistaken for the stomach flu or virus, strep throat or a growth spurt. I couldn’t believe I had numerous excuses for all of my son’s symptoms.’

‘We are having a problem. Your baby is floppy and turning blue. She only has a 50% chance of surviving through the night but we’ll do everything we can.’ 

“I woke up suddenly to the sound of my husband’s footsteps coming up the stairs to give me his phone. ‘Something has happened to Drew. He’s had a seizure. We were on our way to the park.’ I remember thinking to myself, ‘I have experienced seizures in the past. He’ll be OK.’ Second phone call. Everything was a blur.”

‘This pregnancy was different. I thought it was because there was just one baby. Our son came into this world completely in his sac. Looking back, I should have known something wasn’t right.’

“There is a term in nursing ‘Wimpy white boy,’ that refers to little white boy babies. They have a tendency not to do well in situations such as this. At 2 a.m. I had woken up and my oldest twin was facing me. I felt peace in that moment, and I knew right then I would have a baby that day.”

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