laughter

‘I totally biffed my first kindergarten car line drop off. Everything was going great, initially.’: Dad hilariously recounts running over traffic cone, ‘disaster’ of dad duties

“I was sweet and charming with the designated kid picker-upper teacher. And then… it. hit. the. fan. THUMP. I plowed over the ridiculously large orange traffic cone. The safety patrollers began frantically yelling at me, waving me down. I proceeded to army-crawl the entire length of the car, trying to pry out the stupid cone. I was a disaster.”

‘I no longer sit at tables where I might be the topic when I get up. I used to think that’s just how women are.’: Woman reminds us ‘worth’ can’t be ‘determined or negotiated’ by others

“If you’re sitting at the table where the topic of discussion is someone else’s shortcomings, mistakes, imperfections, flaws, or lawd the he said she said gossip, GIRL. GET A NEW TABLE. I assure you that when you leave your seat, you’re likely the next topic of conversation.”

‘My husband ate 12 DOSES of Ex-lax. I called Poison Control because he thought he was dying. I literally cannot stop laughing.’: Wife hilariously recounts 39-year-old husband’s mistake, is ‘still crying’ and ‘unable to speak’ from laughing so hard

“The Poison Control guy was like, ‘The biggest risks are cramping, dehydration, and diaper rash.’ DIAPER RASH! I was NOT ready for this dude to come at me with diaper rash. I completely lost it. He kept chuckling and going, ‘Oh boy. Oooooooh boy.’ I’m wheezing just thinking about it.”

‘No, Mommy! I don’t need a potty!’ The kids erupted in giggles. I should’ve been suspicious LONG before. Holland had been consuming juice boxes and popsicles for HOURS, y’all.’

“I go full-fledged panic mode. Something is amiss. I can smell it. Holland: ‘I DONT NEED A POTTY!’ Ben: ‘BAHAHAHAHAHHAA! She doesn’t need a potty, Mom! Our clubhouse ALREADY HAD a potty!’ Golden Retriever: *whimpering slightly* I climb up the ladder. My children are pointing to… A dog bowl.”

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