mess up

‘MOM!!! Get back in the car!’ I’m at the drop off in undies that have a LITERAL HOUSE for penis and balls!’: Mom hilariously shares ultimate ‘dysfunctional parent’ moment

“Y’all. Things got worse. ‘MOM! The basement is leaking!’ In that 3.5 seconds, my doorbell rings. I run down because my pea-sized BRAIN forgets to process ‘put on pants.’ It’s the plumber I completely forgot I called. Steve goes downstairs. I have 15 minutes. Guess who is wrong? Yup. Me again. Steve done come BACK into the house while I’m laying down a quick colombian hot sloppy in the bathroom.”

What I Want My Child To Know After They F*ck Up

“In anticipation of an occurrence that I wholeheartedly hope never happens, but undoubtedly know will, I have preemptively drafted myself a script that I will hopefully remember in the coming years…”

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