miscarry

‘She’d ask for money. The knots in my stomach grew. Then, our attorney called. Our birth mother had been working with 4 other families, promising her baby to them too. We’d been scammed.’

“We got to know our birth mother. We bonded over our dreams for this child. But, something about her didn’t feel right. She knew exactly what she was doing, and who she was playing. She knew all about me and my infertility. And she knew we would do anything to help her, because that’s the kind of people we are.”

‘They are ours forever,’ I told my husband as tears ran down my face. ‘We have twins. They’ve been moved due to limited beds.’ I read that text a million times. Our day had finally come.’

“I told my student I had to talk to his dad about his behavior. He turned around. ‘He is not my dad, he is my case worker. I don’t have a mom or dad. I am in foster care.’ I was shocked and speechless. I wanted to wrap my arms around him. During dinner, I had a conversation with my husband.”

‘Holy FREAKING COW,’ I yelled. FOUR babies?! Is that even possible? I wasn’t even doing IVF! There must be a mistake, I can’t be having four babies! But there they were, quadruplets.’

“The doctor gasped, ‘Oh.’ I couldn’t bring myself to look. But when I did, there were 2 babies – twins! ‘Oh my goodness, oh my goodness.’ But wait. Now it’s triplets?! How. Does. This. Happen. We would need a bigger house. Then, she replied, ‘‘No, all FOUR are healthy with heartbeats.’ FOUR?!?!”

‘I got with my boyfriend in July. By November, I was pregnant. We had been ‘irresponsible.’ We dealt with it. I convinced myself I’d killed my baby. I couldn’t look at my daughter without crying.’

“The thing is, I also got pregnant many years before at age 24. It was the first time I’d had unprotected sex, and I had split up with the father. Having a termination was my only option. This has hugely troubled me the past 3 years, but I’m not ashamed to talk about it.”

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