painful

‘She sat next to her dying father, her best friend, and grabbed his hand. She whispered in his ear it was ‘ok to go.’ She would be alright. He could stop being in pain.’

“With her hair in a ponytail and her face stained with tears, she pet his hair while he gasped for air. She put a cross in his hand when she knew he was never coming back. She kissed him on the cheek and uttered ‘goodbye.’ She sat with him for an hour after he stopped breathing, making sure he was not alone.”

‘I said ‘I don’t want to live anymore, my kids deserve better than this, I should have never had them and dragged them down with me’ I wanted a lifeline. I wanted that chance of hope.’

“But instead I got ‘you should feel so lucky! You are blessed.’ Imagine telling yourself you’re so worthless, you’re not deserving, that you literally mess everything you touch and feeling guilty for all of that, like a tumble dryer in your head, swirling around and then someone says, ‘be grateful’”

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