Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

‘Mom she’s gone, I just know.’ I sat on my stairs with my front door open, in shock.’: How this ‘broken’ mother helps other parents of child loss heal after her own tragedy

“Seeing my sweet baby girl laying in a huge bed, much too big for her, made me fall to my knees. A nurse said to me, ‘Get off the floor, it’s so dirty.’ I was angry at her, I was angry at the hospital chaplain placing his eerie hand on my shoulder with no real comfort. No parent should have to write their child’s eulogy, or decide between a casket or an urn. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.”

‘You may pass a blood clot,’ I was told. Instead, I looked down to my lifeless baby dangling from me, head first.’: Mom suffers 2 miscarriages, gives birth to 2 ‘beautiful rainbow babies’

“I went into shock, paralyzed by what I’d just seen. All of a sudden, I heard a noise I couldn’t recognize. It was coming from me. A deep, loud, moaning scream; the sound of grief and disbelief. We were wheeled up to delivery and I remember a man telling my husband, ‘Good luck and congratulations,’ as he thought we were going to deliver a healthy baby. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we’d ever have to pick an urn for one of our children.”

‘My baby was born perfect, except for the knot in her umbilical cord. That day I was introduced to 2 concepts: stillbirth and grief.’: Mom loses daughter at birth, thanks friends who ‘saved her life’

“What I didn’t know was my daughter had died earlier that morning. After what I had thought was a normal day, a sonogram showed a black and white blob of static, unmoving, rather than the beating of her little heart. Grief has been called a journey, but journey’s imply an endpoint, a destination. Grief is more like an ocean; it’s being thrashed around by waves, trying to come up for air, in a world where you must learn how to swim.”

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