spoonie

‘What now?,’ is all that ran through my mind. ‘How did this happen to me?’ All the voices in the room disappeared. I was washed on a metal table with hoses that hung from the ceiling.’

“He instilled in my mind there was better out there. Someone who he didn’t have to help when I wasn’t feeling well, someone who he didn’t have to go to the ER with, someone who was ‘normal,’ who’s body was not scarred up. I said to my dad, ‘I can’t do it anymore. I can’t take this anymore.'”

‘I wondered why my doctor had such a grave tone when she gave me the diagnosis. This sounded like no big deal at all. There was finally a name for this mysterious illness! Boy was I wrong.’

“When I was riding the subway, I started to feel a little dizzy. I physically could not move. When the doors finally slid open, I spilled onto the platform packed with hundreds of commuters. My breathing and vision slowly returned. I finally realized this was serious. It had to be my priority.”

‘At 12 years old, symptoms began to manifest. I had joint pain in my knees and mouth sores on my gums. Food gave me belly aches. Aside from winter colds, I never was sick.’

“My parents were concerned. I had lost weight and they could see changes in me. I was 13 now, in the hospital to stabilize my 80-pound body. My parents were frustrated I followed ‘the rules.’ ‘If I thought the day of my diagnosis was life-shattering, this day would change the whole trajectory of how I lived my life.”

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