stillbirth

‘Can I see my boy for one more goodbye?’ A nurse gave him his first and only haircut. He was truly perfect.’: Couple loses son to stillbirth, anxious about new pregnancy, ‘My first is in heaven, I’ll meet him there someday’

“We rushed into the emergency room. I was bleeding so badly I thought I was going to die right there in the hospital alone. My husband was stuck checking me in for what seemed like forever. The events that happened next took place so fast, but as I look back on it now, the initial care I was given makes me so mad and sad. Once she finally realized the severity of what was happening, she ran for back up. I wanted to follow him right up to heaven. I begged God to take me too.”

‘Stop trying.’ He wasn’t coming back. That pale, limp body wasn’t my son. I pounded the wall.’: Mom insists rainbow baby ‘helped fill the void’ after son’s death, ‘she’s my reason to keep going’

“‘Why my son?! Why me?!’ We went home and packed up his clothes, toys. His grandparents held onto everything else. We couldn’t bear to. But we destroyed the Rock ‘n Play he died in. I’ve seen news stories about their recalls. Of course, it makes me wonder if that’s what happened to my son. We will never know. Within weeks of his passing, I was pregnant. Intentionally. Family was concerned. I didn’t care.”

‘When’s the baby coming?’ My face turns red in Starbucks. I’m not pregnant, and I’ve been struggling to be.’: Woman battling infertility reminds us ‘words have weight,’ vows to ‘never give up’

“I manage a smile and lie. ‘Soon.’ I rush out the door, no coffee in hand, and cry in my jeep. Those extra 40 pounds are grief weight. My body starts to feel like a cruel joke. ‘When are you having kids?’ ‘Have kids already!’ ‘I’m ready to be a grandma. The clock is ticking!’ they say. But when I stillbirth? No questions. No words. Just silence. My husband battles silent resent. There’s no baby, so there’s no marriage. These weren’t the vows I signed up for.”

‘No one can take this pain away, so I must take it away myself. Lay me next to my daughter.’: Mom speaks candidly of ‘suicidal thoughts’ in wake of stillbirth, ‘I wouldn’t wish this on anyone’

“There are no visible wounds, but the pain courses through my entire being. I breathe in through my nose, blow out of my mouth. I’m alive, but being alive without my daughter hurts. I can’t wipe the tears away. It’s too much effort. I can’t move, even if I wanted to. I don’t want to pee. Eat. Shower. Brush my teeth. I see my dad’s face, and he wants me here. To hold on. To live.”

‘Nat, are you pregnant?!’ I was infertile, on birth control, had my period, and broken up with my boyfriend. NO WAY!’: Woman gets pregnant with twins, delivers ‘one to earth, one to heaven’

“The technician said, ‘Well, which news do you want first?’ I immediately freaked out. ‘Breathe, honey. You’re 17 weeks pregnant with twins. Do you want to know the rest?’ I had zero intent of getting pregnant. ‘WHAT?’ ‘Twin boys!’ I called my mom in tears. ‘Please don’t kill me! Don’t hate me!’ The father wanted no part of my pregnancy.”

‘Are you ready to hold your baby?’ She takes a deep breath, sits up as straight as she can. We’re very careful.’: Child loss photographer reminds grieving parents ‘this little life mattered’

“The room is still, almost silent. I meet their beautiful baby, I hold their baby, talk to their baby. All while taking a mental assessment of how much posing I can do. I ask who he got his beautiful wavy hair from, or his button nose or long toes. I talk, but not too much to overwhelm anyone. I work gently, efficiently. I capture every single detail. No one wants this. Their child existed. Their child was so loved, and so wanted.”

‘There’s no way it’s contractions. I’m only 20 weeks!’ Tears rolled down.’: Woman says goodbye to twin son after ‘devastating’ stillborn delivery

“I remember feeling pain, but I was pregnant with twins so I didn’t think too much about it. I could hear nurses laughing in the next room at the sound of another baby’s heartbeat. I sat there, waiting. Then, the nurse came. ‘Your son’s heart stopped.’ I sat in silence. I just wanted to go to sleep, wake up in the morning, and have everything be okay.”

‘I should’ve left my appointment, picked an outfit for a little boy or girl at the store, and surprised my husband. Instead, I found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat.’ Woman details shattering moment son ‘went to heaven’

“The nurse handed me a box of tissues. I remember pleading with my baby to be okay, my hand on my womb, tears running down. Immediately upon standing, I felt crazy amounts of blood trickling down my leg. I kept thinking that had to be everything, but I felt more released. A little boy. All ten fingers. All ten toes.”

‘Mom she’s gone, I just know.’ I sat on my stairs with my front door open, in shock.’: How this ‘broken’ mother helps other parents of child loss heal after her own tragedy

“Seeing my sweet baby girl laying in a huge bed, much too big for her, made me fall to my knees. A nurse said to me, ‘Get off the floor, it’s so dirty.’ I was angry at her, I was angry at the hospital chaplain placing his eerie hand on my shoulder with no real comfort. No parent should have to write their child’s eulogy, or decide between a casket or an urn. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.”

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