trauma

‘She’d ask for money. The knots in my stomach grew. Then, our attorney called. Our birth mother had been working with 4 other families, promising her baby to them too. We’d been scammed.’

“We got to know our birth mother. We bonded over our dreams for this child. But, something about her didn’t feel right. She knew exactly what she was doing, and who she was playing. She knew all about me and my infertility. And she knew we would do anything to help her, because that’s the kind of people we are.”

‘You catch this baby, or I will.’ My son’s father fainted. He woke up, saw our newborn, then left to smoke. He returned smelling of cheap beer and cigarettes.’

“‘I’m taking our son,’ he said. It was snowing and he was wasted. ‘He will not take my child like this.’ My grandmother walked in from church. ‘Take my son and lock yourself in your room!,’ I screamed. He got in his car and sped off, fish-tailing down the snow-covered road. Hours later, he returned.”

‘The anesthetist put a mask over my face. ‘Please help me, I’m going to die.’ She replied, ‘You‘re not going to die.’ I thought about the family I was leaving behind, and then it went dark.’

“Mom kept saying to me, ‘You’re in labor.’ I kept replying, ‘No I’m not.’ Ethan and I just kept repeating, ‘IMAGINE, imagine if this is it!’ We were so excited, and so naive of what was to come. I put my chin to my chest and pushed as hard as my body could handle.”

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