“I have a friend; his name is Steven.
He has a wife, her name is, Monica. According to Steven, they had the happiest relationship until recently where Monica randomly asked to go to therapy.
He asked me, ‘What do women want, what do women want? Because I don’t get it’ Things were not working out and I could see that Steven was hurt because he loved Monica so much, she does everything for him, caters to his every need and he appreciates it, but he fears she doesn’t know it.
He said, ‘She just kept telling me she needs me, but won’t tell me how or when, she just says ‘I know you work hard so I can’t ask you for anything’, but things are bad and she’s silent all the time’
So I told him, She feels she can’t tell you how or when because she knows you’re a hard working guy and she appreciates that and doesn’t want to come across as nagging, but she’s working real hard to do it all right now, and she needs you, YOU, more than ever.
When she’s silent, that’s when she needs you. She doesn’t think it’s worth the effort to explain herself because she doesn’t feel her voice matters. Show her it does.
When she’s silent she’s deep in thought, she’s afraid, she’s angry, she’s confused, and her mind runs a million miles an hour, she needs you to help unpack that.
When she opens up, that’s when she needs you. She needs you to respect her voice, hear about her day, and don’t try to fix it, just hear what she’s saying. And for you to open up, talk to her, communicate, tell her about your day.
When you see her lose her temper that’s when she needs you. She needs you to step in and take over for a while. Do the bath, slap dinner together, entertain the kids. Anything. Let her come back better and ready to kickass again. You are being angry because she is angry won’t help. It’s when she needs you the most.
When you see her go somewhere in the house by herself and the kids follow her, that’s when she needs you. She needs that time to herself, she probably hasn’t had a second all day. You’re an amazing dad who masters tickle time like no other, so have some quality time with your kids.
When she dresses up, that’s when she needs you. She needs you to see her, and really see her. See her the way you did when you met her. She wants you to desire her the way she desires you. She needs you to know she matters to you… even if she hasn’t dressed up.
She’s may not go to work, but she works hard. Parenting is no picnic and you’re in this together, so be her copilot, and drive the ship together. She can’t do it without you.
She’s so burnt out caring for everything and everyone else, she needs to know you care for her and she’s forgotten how to ask. So, she’s trying to glue you back together any way she knows how. if she asked for therapy, go to therapy. It’s what is important to her and will be therapeutic for both of you. She needs that, and she needs you. If she didn’t need you, she wouldn’t suggest therapy, she’d get up and leave.
And tell her, tell her a thousand times you love her, that you appreciate her, and that you care, because she needs you, and she only needs you because for her, you are all she could ever need.
( I then charged him $250 for my time 😉)”
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