‘What is your problem?,’ my husband asked. I yelled at the top of my voice. ‘I’m freaking anxious, okay?’: Wife apologies to husband for her anxiety coming through as anger

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“‘What is your problem?,’ he asked. I yelled at the top of my voice to my husband and said, ‘I’m freaking anxious, okay?’

He couldn’t understand why his wife, the woman he knew who had anxiety, the anxiety he understood to be excess worry, or panic, would actually be getting angry.

Courtesy Laura Mazza

Frustrated. Irritated. The symptoms of anxiety no one talks about.

But as I said it… the relief washed over me.

It’s because anxiety bubbles up on the inside and can make you bubble on the outside.

Courtesy Laura Mazza

Anxiety presents in a lot of ways, and if I could describe it, it would be a ball inside my chest, a hard ball full of emotions that I cannot handle. The ball makes me feel like I’m choking, that I’m drowning. And I don’t want it, I don’t want this feeling, so I throw it at someone, someone I know where it’ll be safe, and I throw it at them to catch, because I don’t want to feel it. Anxiety makes you vulnerable, anxiety is overwhelming and scary, but anger, anger is strong and makes you feel in control. Something anxiety does not.

Emotions aren’t always what they appear at first glance. I’m always frustrated at a shopping center, because I’m anxious. The mother in the school pick up line isn’t stuck up or rude, she’s anxious. The wife who snaps at the person she loves, doesn’t want to, she’s anxious.

Courtesy Laura Mazza

And I’m sorry. I always am. When anxiety wins and anger takes over. But I’ve learned it is I that needs the most kindness, and I give it to myself by talking to a therapist, taking some time, reeling my anxiety in, so that the anger doesn’t take over. I take a deep breath, so I can be stronger than it.

And you always are, you just need to remember that.”

Courtesy Laura Mazza

This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Laura Mazza, where it originally appeared. Follow Laura on Instagram hereSubmit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.

Read more from Laura:

‘She’s not broken’: To the man whose wife or partner has anxiety

‘While in the hospital after birth, I was asked constantly if I had passed gas. ‘You farted yet, love?’ My answer was always no. So, she gave me the sweetest liquid and two pills to get me going.’

‘The story of a girl, a baby and her first ever C-section’: Mom’s HILARIOUSLY CANDID, all-too-real birthing experience

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