‘When she dies you’ll search for her, no matter how long she’s been gone. When you are walking down the aisle, when your baby is born and when the holidays come around, you’ll search the room for her.’

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“When she dies you’ll search for her no matter how long she’s been gone.

You’ll search for her the minute she leaves that very room.

You’ll search the sky.

You’ll search online.

You’ll search group forums.

You’ll search old messages.

You’ll search old text messages.

You’ll search old letters.

You’ll search old cards.

You’ll search for her.

You’ll search old high school yearbooks.

You’ll search old photo albums.

You’ll search the memories of old friends.

You’ll search her things.

You’ll even search the crowds.

Even though someone told you she’s gone, you’ll still search for her.

And when you are walking down the aisle, when your baby is born and when the holidays come around, you’ll search the room for her.

When the days are hard and when they are good.

When the times are difficult and when they are so good that pure joy is filling your soul.

When you are sitting on your back porch trying to sort out all your problems you’ll look over because even if for a minute you’ll be searching for her.

Then one day you won’t have to search any longer because you’ll find her.

You’ll find her in the gentle breeze.

You’ll find her in the words to your favorite song

You’ll find her in your child’s smile.

You’ll find her more and more as the days pass and then one day you’ll realize she’s been there all along.

You didn’t need to search far to find her because you are her daughter and that means a part of her is always with you.”

Nikki Pennington

This story was written by Nikki Pennington of Grief To Hope with Nikki Pennington. The article originally appeared here. Follow her on Instagram here and Twitter here.  Can you relate to this grief journey? We’d like to hear your story. Submit your story here, and subscribe to our best love stories here.

Read more from Nikki here:

‘As a motherless daughter, my day looks a lot different from yours’

‘On our wedding day, my mom gave my husband a note. A note that was just for the two of them.’

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